Curveballs

I've always been a fan of baseball. Growing up, it was one of the few sports I was good at. I was small (didn't even hit 5' tall until my sophomore year of high school), but I was fast, had a good glove, and could beat out just about any bunt I laid down. As I continued to play baseball, the other kids continued to grow and get better. I remember being 14 and getting to practice one day to find a kid that I had never seen before. He was older than anyone else on our team by about 3 years, he was big, and he was strong. Our coach had brought him in to teach us how to hit curveballs. Up to that point, we hadn't really seen a pitcher who could throw a good curveball. We stood in the batter's box one at a time and saw pitches that started at our face at about 70mph and then cut right across the plate as the bottom dropped out of the pitch. It was unreal.

We learned a valuable lesson that day: curveballs suck.

When a curveball is coming at your head, you have two choices: stand in and take a cut, or bail out of the batter's box. Sometimes you take a swing and look completely stupid. Sometimes you bail out of the box and look completely stupid as a the ball cuts down and away and crosses the plate for a strike. Sometimes the ball doesn't break and you get hit in the face.

I wish life was a little league pitcher. I wish it would just throw nothing but fastballs and you just have to guess whether or not it's close enough to swing. But life is way past that. Life is like the crazy pitchers over in Japan that will either fire a 98mph fastball right past you, or will throw something that you've never seen before.

I have been married now for four years to the most wonderful woman on this earth, Alex. I often joke on stage that she is too good looking for me. She is. She's beautiful. But the truth is, she's also a great person. She's friendly, she's personable, and she has a great sense of humor. That's why this has been so difficult for me.

About a year ago, Alex started getting infections regularly. She would get a Urinary Tract Infection, then a Bladder Infection, then another Urinary Tract Infection. It seemed like every few weeks, she had to go to the doctor. The tests would come back positive, she'd get a prescription, and then things would go back to normal for a few weeks. But about a month ago, life decided to quit throwing fastballs and hit her with the curveball.

After feeling the symptoms of another UTI, she went to the doctor. The problem this time was, there was no infection. No signs of a Bladder Infection either. All the symptoms were there, but no infection. It was strange. Alex tends to worry. We balance each other out perfectly like that. She'll worry, and I always say that things will just work themselves out. It's a great yin and yang relationship. So she started to do what everyone does when they have questions about their health and began searching online. She came across some blogs and videos from people suffering from a disease called Interstitial Cystitis (or IC since it's too hard to spell and pronounce). IC is characterized as a chronic inflammatory condition in the bladder. Patients diagnosed with IC have to urinate frequently and don't feel any relief. They also experience crazy amounts of pain in their bladder and urethra. Basically, it's a condition that sucks really bad. To make it worse, doctor's don't know what causes IC, and there currently isn't a cure. There are treatments that can be done when a patient has a flare up, but the treatments are pretty invasive and aren't guaranteed to help with the pain. Alex felt in her gut that this was what she was dealing with. But I tried to remain optimistic that she was just falling victim to the classic "every diagnosis I find online is the worst thing possible" syndrome.

After several appointments with her regular doctors, Alex was referred to a specialist. We sat in the room together as Alex explained what she had been going through, and both of our heart's broke when the doctor said that she thought my wife had IC.

For the last few weeks, Alex has held out hope that the doctor was wrong. She set up an appointment for a second opinion and we both really thought that we would finally get some good news. I got a text from Alex that said, "Not a good appointment. Getting my blood work. I'll call you after it's done." She didn't even have to call. I knew what she was going to say. I didn't think I could feel much worse until I answered her call and she was crying. That was it. We had to accept it. This was something Alex was going to have to deal with for the rest of her life.

I realize that things could be much worse. This isn't a terminal thing. It's not something that will require surgery. But as a husband, I feel that it's my job to protect my wife and to take care of her. And to know that she is feeling pain and I can't take that pain away is devastating. I feel like a failure. And as soon as I start feeling bad about myself, I think about the pain and discomfort she's going through and I feel worse.

I decided to start this blog for a number of reasons. First off, I think it will help to get my feelings and experiences out. Even if nobody reads this, it helps sometimes to just put something out into the universe and get things off your chest. Secondly, my hope is that someone will stumble on this that is going through the same thing we are. I want to look at the positive side. If we can help out another couple or family by sharing what we are going through, then maybe that's why this happened.

For now, the only advice I can give to someone going through this is to stay in the batter's box. IC is a pretty nasty curveball. But don't bail out of the box. Stand in there and take your cut. Sometimes good things happen when you swing away.

If you'd like to read more about IC, check out these links:
http://www.ic-network.com/conditions/interstitial-cystitis/what-is-ic/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interstitial_cystitis